Sunday, December 18, 2011

Christmas Contest by Beauty From the Earth

Most, if not all, of my posts are Endo related, but this one is about a contest to win some free make-up! What's more fun than free make-up? Nothing. :) Anyhoo, I love Beauty From the Earth Cosmetics, I found their company several years ago, and have been raving about them to friends and family ever since. I'd love for you to check them out so you can see what all the fuss is about!

You can visit them here:

http://www.bftecosmetics.com/

or on Facebook at:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Beauty-From-The-Earth/52758578869


And right now, they're hosting a contest for the holidays. You can enter for a chance to win one of their new 2011 Holiday Collections! Just visit the following link (to their photo album on Facebook) for all the details!

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10150431073573870&set=a.10150269113938870.334096.52758578869&type=1&theater


Best of luck to all who enter, and hope you're all having a fabulous Sunday!


Been A Long Time Gone...

So, if you're a follower or friend of mine, you know it's been an incredibly long time since I've posted here ... or even logged into my blog, for that matter. I had some very hurtful things said to me at the beginning of this year, including bashing this very blog, where I sought comfort and empathy with my Endo sisters. I lost my desire to write for almost a year, but I'm happy to say, I'm back.

What Happened?

It's so difficult trying to get people to understand exactly what a day in the life of an Endo sufferer is like. Harder still, is receiving an email from a family member that claimed to be a supporter, but is now spewing nothing but words of hate through your computer. This family member had offered to write a letter to the Endo Center in Atlanta, GA to see if perhaps they could take my case pro-bono. I was so touched that this person would take the time to do this for me, I felt blessed that even though our relationship had been almost non existent for twenty seven years, that we could finally have something more.

I was enthusiastic about the possibility of seeing a specialist that could hopefully rid me of my daily pain. One day, I was in an extreme amount of pain, so my husband was laying with me in bed for a good part of the afternoon. When he woke to come check the messages, there were several from my family member saying that there was great news and to call back as soon as I could. The news was that the specialist was willing to consider taking my case pro-bono, but I would first have to send them all my medical records before they made a decision.  I was excited, but just a week after this news, our home computer and my laptop both stopped working, right before we were scheduled to take a trip to see my husband's brother in Florida for three weeks. *Note - This trip was planned months and months before any prospect of seeing a specialist in another state, and the tickets were free, using mileage.

After returning from our trip, we still had no computer for two more months, and I thought it odd that I hadn't heard from this family member in quite sometime, but life goes on. There were other worries and responsibilities, so time continued passing. My husband was able to fix our computer, so I immediately looked back into the emails I'd received from the Endo specialists' office, and I couldn't find any that had stated what the next step was, and I couldn't remember because it had been so long, so I emailed them. I got a reply just a few days later saying they still needed my medical records. I looked into getting them, and it wasn't going to be free. At the time, there were no extra funds to spare for them. I'd also looked into the details, if I were to have surgery at the facility in Atlanta. They required you to see them for a pre-op visit and then stay for up to six weeks after your surgery. So, even if the surgery was pro-bono, I would still have to pay for the trip out there, and lodging for at least six and half to seven weeks. I didn't have that kind of money. I was completely devastated that this would no longer be a possibility, at this point in time. I lost sleep and cried a lot of nights about it. But, that's life. It just wasn't meant to be, and I could accept that.

Before finding all this out, my mom had said something about a phone call she'd had with this family member, and they'd said my husband had said something along the lines of I wasn't interested in seeing this specialist. I had no clue what this was about, so I emailed this family member. My email was basically a recap of what had happened in the previous few months. How have you and yours been, our trip was nice, our computer wasn't working, I emailed the Endo specialist and they need my medical records, I don't know what was said about me not wanting to see the specialist, I still very much want to, I'll keep you posted on what I find out. Short, sweet, signed with a "Love you". What I received back, was a barrage of nothing but hurtful and vicious words, that hurt me very deeply.

Basically, I was unappreciative of the time they'd taken to write the letter to the Endo specialist, they criticized me for having this blog, and my husband had said something hurtful to them months prior (the day this person had called multiple times, my husband had logged into his Facebook, and they chatted about the great news of me possibly being able to see the specialist pro-bono, my husband had said "My goodness, you're persistent." That was it. But apparently, it hurt this person's feelings, and instead of saying something about it, to either him or me, they let it fester for three months, until they sent me the hurtful email.) He didn't mean it in a rude way, but I'm sorry offense was taken. Still, don't attack me for something my husband said. Our relationship should not be based on what my husband says; I'm supposed to be this person's family. Whatever issue there was, it could have been resolved without hateful and hurtful words, but that's just not how it was handled. The email ended with a "don't bother emailing me back, this is resolved". I was stunned and obviously hurt. I had no idea what had happened for there to be a reaction like this, but I knew that I no longer desired a relationship with this person, no matter what kind of kindness they had extended before.

It weighed so heavy on my mind for a very long time. Had I been unappreciative? Was there a way I could have made it all work out better? Did I deserve all the hateful things that were said to me? And the answer to all three, is no. I had been sure to say how much I appreciated what this person had done, every time I spoke to them. Our lack of communication was on both our parts, but if I had known this person was hurt by something my husband had said, I would have straightened it out long before it got ugly. And no, I didn't deserve those hateful words. They will live with me forever. The knowledge that they came from someone I held dear to my heart, will forever stay with me. I don't hold a grudge, but I don't forget when people have hurt me, either. Their words stung me for such a long time. Anyone who knows me, knows I don't handle conflict well. I want nothing more than for everyone to get along, and although I don't care what most people think of me, I can't stand the thought that someone thinks I've wronged them; so, I kept trying to blame myself for everything that had transpired. Luckily though, I've been through similar circumstances in my past, and I'm too strong to let other people bring me down.

Life's lessons are never easy. I keep thinking I must have learned them all by now, but then I always get surprised by a new one. You should always be careful of how much of yourself you give to others (even if they seem supportive), and never trust anyone unless they've earned it. I will continue to rise above the hate, and I pray you do too.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Today is bad

Oh son of a ***** this hurts. Hurts so badly that I'm nauseous and irritable. Can someone just find a cure for this before I rip out my own insides? All I have is aspirin, and it doesn't do anything for me. It would be like putting a bandaid over a gun shot wound, so what's the point? I really don't mean for these blogs to be just me complaining...who would want to read that all the time? But this is my life. My pain is constant and unrelenting. I appreciate your sympathies most sincerely, but believe me when I say it is not the reason I post these. Somehow, just getting these words out helps me mentally handle what I go through each day. And today is bad. I just need to get myself medical coverage so I can at least have some kind of pain management. Over the counter pills don't help; I tried Yoga and Pilates, but most of the positions make my left side (where my Endo is) feel like it's pulling and tearing; and natural remedies are costly and the ones I've tried so far have been ineffective. I just want a magic pill that would take all of this away. This pain gets so overwhelming and unbearable. I just so desperately need a break from it.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Dear Endo...

I was going to thank you for allowing me to have a wonderful anniversary with my husband. I was actually able to go out to dinner and go for a walk in the park, without feeling like you were ripping me apart. I appreciate that you allow me hints of a "normal" life every now and again. I just wish you'd have given me longer, because you are now back at full force. I do cherish the pain-free moments, since I never know how long they'll last. So, thank you, Endo. You were actually fairly nice to me on such a special day. Now, let's go wait for this sleeping pill to kick in while I burn the sh*t out of you with my heating pad.

Yours (In Agony)

~Amy~

Friday, April 1, 2011

In Need of Sedation

Last night was the worst pain I've felt in a long time. It was so bad that it went from my front (where it normally hurts), to my lower and mid back, all the way down my left leg, and into my toes. My hubby did what he could to make me more comfortable, but it was just an awful night. I took a sleeping pill, but it didn't knock me out for over an hour. I also used a heating pad, despite how hot it was last night, but I can't complain about sweating like a pig, because the heat helped. I woke up quite a bit for having taken a sleeping pill, so I ended up taking a second one sometime this morning. I didn't roll out of my sweat spot (Ew.) until forty five minutes ago, and I'm still in an intense amount of pain. I really need to find something that can at least lessen this pain, because I just can't live my life like this. I will probably be making a trip to the Natural Food Store very soon; I just don't know what supplements I can take with my thyroid condition, so I'll be doing some research after I post this. Hopefully tonight will be easier; especially since Sunday is my anniversary, and I want to be able to enjoy it with my love. All I can do at this point is hope and send up a prayer.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

March for Babies - In Memory of Ava Lynn and Baby Bean




Can you believe it's already time for March For Babies 2011? The years seem to fly by, but our mission remains the same - to help prevent prematurity, birth defects, and infant mortality. As the mother to two angel babies, and a friend to countless other grieving parents, this mission truly hits home. No parent wants to lose their child from something that can be prevented, and the money we raise helps to go to that very pertinent cause.
I know that the last few years have been financially difficult for many of us, but any amount of money you are able to donate is greatly appreciated and will be put to good use. Please join us for our walk on April 30th at 9:00am at The State Capitol in downtown Sacramento by visiting www.marchforbabies.org/AvaLynn1132006 or, if you are unable to walk, please sponsor our team by donating. I thank you so kindly for reading this. May your year be blessed.

Most Sincerely,
Amy L. Schuch
-Team Captain-
Team Ava Lynn

In a perfect world, we would not need organizations, such as March of Dimes, to help raise money to save babies′ lives. In a perfect world, half a million babies would not be born prematurely despite these efforts. But as many families know, our world is far from perfect. Hello, my name is Amy Schuch, and I joined March of Dimes - March for Babies - three years ago. On November 3rd, 2006 my daughter, Ava Lynn, was stillborn at 37 weeks. Since then, I have devoted my time and efforts to help raise money and awareness against prematurity, birth defects, and infant mortality. Join us on April 30th, 2010 at the State Capitol in Sacramento at 9:00am. Together we can and will make a difference.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Pain, Pain Go Away...

So, I've been feeling pretty low lately. I feel like I can't do anything without hurting, and it's very frustrating. I want to be able to do things and feel "normal". There are many times, like a few moments ago, that I say "screw the pain" and do something anyway, only to end up lying on the couch or in bed, wishing I hadn't done it because I'm hurting that much. I cleaned the sliding glass door. This is an accomplishment for me, and that's seriously sad. I used to pride myself  in my clean house, and having a really good work ethic, and without those things, I feel pretty lost. I look at things I want to do - from cleaning, to cooking, to photography, and I am held back from them. Held back by my pain; by this disease. I just want to be free from it. I used to take things for granted, and my Endo. has changed that. I don't go a lot of places, because even walking short distances leaves me curled up in pain. When I do go places, my husband pushes me in a wheelchair. I no longer take walking for granted. No one should, actually. I try not to feel sorry for myself, though - someone always has it worse, and I'm thankful for the things I can still do, but I'm allowed to be unhappy with the way things are in my life. God knows I get discouraged at times, but I try so hard to accept the cards I've been dealt. It's not easy, but then, I don't expect it to be either. I never took the easy road; I must have missed the sign for it years ago, but if I could change my past, I wouldn't. I'm here right now, with this condition, for a reason. I don't know what the reason is, but I'm going to stay positive and hope that one day, I'll know ... and it will have been worth all the pain.